Current life- stress and sadness

Im going write a bit more about my current life and some of the things get stress me out or sadden me.

One thing that saddens me is that I have no friends. It kind of depresses me when I see on Facebook all the people gathering and having fun because I’ve never done that and I won’t be able to either since I have no friends to hang out with anyway. The only person I go see is my fiancĂ©’s mom. The people who I once thought were my friends either don’t talk to me anymore, make fun of me, or talk bad about me to other people.

Something that stresses me out is money matters. I have no access to my own money because my mom is my rep payee. So if I want to buy a bottle of soda, for example, I have to ask my mom. I can’t write checks, sign checks to deposit them, or use my debit card. I wish I could spend money in myself, like buying a movie every once in a while or something. But the money I get from social security is just about all spent after my bills and expenses are paid. My fiancĂ© lost his job in April 2011 and has been putting in many applications. Child support required him to put in 20 a month, which was hard since he lives in a smaller town and didn’t have a working car. The car now runs and he has a temporary job through QPS, both of which just happened last week. He only works if the place is in need of an extra person, but it’s a start. What made it even more difficult for him to get a job is because he never graduated from high school and has a learning disability. He was going to try for his GED but after he took the test to see how far he was educationally, they told him it would probably be pointless. That’s because he was at a 2nd grade level on spelling, math, and comprehension skills. The other subjects weren’t very far ahead.

Another thing that has been stressing be out is that I have been trying to sell all three of our engagement and wedding rings so I can pay back the near $1,500 that I owe my cousin. I have tried putting the rings on Craigslist with no luck as well as putting up ads in stores and asking people on Facebook if they know anyone who is looking for rings. At this rate I highly doubt they will get sold, which makes me worry that my cousin will sue me or something if I don’t pay her back in the few months I have left to pay her.

Well, those are some things that have been stressing me out and saddening me. I just hope things change soon even though I doubt they will.

Nicole

My current life

Today I would like to talk a bit about my current life since it won’t take nearly as long to talk about as my past life. I am 21 years old an I am engaged to a man named Will and I have a 9 month old son named Connor. Without them I would most likely be dead, which I will explain in a later blog. Connor and I live with my parents while Will lives about half an hour away. I have lost all of my friends, but I never really ever had any real friends to begin with. I am doing better than before in some areas of my life but I can only get so far in life with what I have right now. I still have a lot of stress in my life and it makes my life very difficult, but there is nothing I can do to change it right now. I don’t have a job, but I can’t really get one, either. I am considered totally disabled as well and receive social security because of it. That is the only way I can pay for Connor’s needs. If I didn’t have that, i would have been forced to give him up for adoption, which would have devastated me. I was lucky, however, and started receiving social security when i was 4 months pregnant. If you are wondering why my parents wouldn’t be able to help financially if I wasn’t receiving benefits, my answer is because they cannot afford it, either as the only income they have is my dad’s social security since he is also disabled. They are also struggling to pay bills and even keep the house because they get so little. Each month, they have to choose which few bills will be paid and which will have to wait. They are also over $100,000 in debt. Hopefully that cleared it up. But as I said, I got lucky. Well, I believe I have said enough for now and I shall write another time, tomorrow perhaps. We shall see.